| Here I Am |
[Mar. 29th, 2006|11:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
Here I am
Standing right in front of you
Offering all that I can
Watching…Waiting
Here I am
Steadfast in my word
Not changing in my opinion
Nor my affection
Here I am
Holding out my hand
Wishing for it to be held
Just to know you’re there
Here I am
Still here for the taking
Willing to do whatever it takes
Time means nothing
Here I am |
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| Home To You |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|12:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
Never have I found a heart as intense as my own.
A love rivaling even to surpass what I feel inside.
A soothing desire,
stirring up my own longing from within.
Not until you.
Mesmerized by feelings, I’m left gasping for words.
I am speechless.
My mind races, but the words in front of me block all else out.
I'm told that I can silence angels,
But you are the angel that silences me.
Every second I want you more.
I want to live where you are.
To love you with nothing to hold us back.
My childish optimism tells me that there is hope for us, and everything will work out right.
For I do love you.
I hope and trust you feel the same.
Never be afraid to speak your mind…
For no matter what, I will not change mine…
So take my hand, and do not be afraid to be accepted.
With me, you cannot be wrong.
I know things happen fast,
but I wish more than anything that I could make time pass quicker.
For I don’t want to lose this things we have,
yet fear cannot take hold.
As long as you are there, I will not feel empty.
Fear is not something that I know much of…
for all my life is based on love.
Through life, one thing I’ve learned is true.
Love never fails.
I only wish I could remove your fear.
You are my safety.
And I would give all that I have to know everything that is inside of your heart...
but words are meaningless right now.
Because words won't bring me home to you. |
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| Unfailing Love |
[Mar. 26th, 2006|02:34 am] |
My own love, it cannot die
Strengthened by my God above
Even though you are not nigh
My heart won’t cry for severed love
So far away, now there you are
Where I know I’ll be some day
I don’t care how long, how far
To be the star that lights your day
We’ll not have loss when all is done
When I come home to my chaos
For our fight can yet be won
If time will run and stars uncross |
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| My Adonai |
[Mar. 20th, 2006|11:12 pm] |
Where is God?
Why does he hide?
My life consumed
By feelings inside
Suppression, it hurts
So I look to God
To lighten my load
Where I am flawed
I strove to break through
But hopelessly fell
And in my last efforts
To God on high yell
“My fable God!
Where did you go?
Why when I try
Can I never grow?
I've struggled through hardships!
I've struggled through pain!
Through a suffering heart
Which drives me to shame!
I don't know where to turn
Not just what to do;
Lost my one deepest wish
To be closer to you!
So my fable God!
Where did you go?
Why when I try
Can I never Grow?”
“Doug Israel, my son
I’ve not gone away
Only you did not see
how by you I stay
Please, open your heart
And let in my light
For there's nothing to fear
When you're in my sight
I see your shame
Where your soul is bruised
That's not who you are
You are confused
Just believe in yourself
Place your trust in me
I see your potential
So why cant you see?
Why do you smile
When you're filled with hatred?
Do not pretend
Be who I created
I’m there when you struggle
I’m there when you cry
I’m there when your broken
I’ll be there when you die
I have gone nowhere
Right by you I stand
You are the surpasser
Since you're in my hand”
This is Gods answer
It speaks to my heart
Now its my turn
To give back my part
Sometimes its not easy
To keep on, to try
But I find comfort
In my Adonai |
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| Goodnight Doug |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|03:15 pm] |
Goodnight Doug, Goodnight
We confabulate no more
Your soul went out of sight
When your life fell to the floor
Fifteen years, not long enough
For any life to end
When you breathed your final huff
I lost a cherished friend
I thought you held the ropes of life
For you were doing well
But no, your neck was gripped by strife
When to the floor you fell
Why in this way, did you leave?
Leaving us behind
My heart will never cease to grieve
You're always in my mind
I'll never forget the day
You gave up from your plight
But since you now forever lay
Goodnight Doug, Goodnight |
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| The Signs of Night |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|11:34 pm] |
I run for stress, tranquility
I run to escape from life
The soothing river, oh so calm
But tonight there is no peace
My regular resting point
The signs of night appear
As I gaze into the darkness
Black, the clouds come rolling in
The clouds scream death, as the moon hides its face
I sense that something has gone wrong
Fear overtakes me
I fall
Pleading for some kind of answer
The river rages the sound of her name
I start to run, must make it home
I know she’s not ok
Praying, "God, give me strength"
My muscles weaken
The black cats of the darkness scatter in fear of my turmoil
I’m growing slower
I see the faces in the dark
I struggle for speed
The faces in every shadow are smiling at me, laughing
They know why I run
They rejoice in my pain
The sky rolls on, still screaming death
I make it home, burst through the door
I collapse on the floor
She’s gone... |
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| My Utopia |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|11:30 pm] |
I see your beauty before me
The perfect specimen of humanity
I feel your skin on my skin
Your hand touches my hand
I feel the warm rush of energy surging down my spine
Inching closer each second, your lips find my lips
The soft touch of your tongue to my own
But this is all surpassed
Nothing in comparison to what happens when I stop and gaze into your eyes
I stare strait into the soul
I see your true beauty that can’t be seen at a glance
The beauty that lies deep within the heart
I sense love in its purest form
This is the greatest feeling known to man |
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| Severed Adoration |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|11:30 pm] |
We art revelers of heart
Though, we mustn’t delight
For this dreaded depart
Only fetches new plight
From dark foolery of night
We know not where to go
When thus end is in sight
And our love cannot grow
My grieving heart I forgo |
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| Incarcerated |
[Mar. 6th, 2006|02:53 am] |
From the chamber whence rue doth grow
The cold cavity of dejection
Hence for years, my heart did stow
Pining for a new direction
Locked in solitude from love
Protected from the breaking force
But I then caught a quick glimpse of
That glorious escaping course
Freed from all captivity
From misery my heart did go
Out of darkness, made it’s flee
To a chamber whence rue doth grow |
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| Deserving of a Halo |
[Mar. 2nd, 2006|12:31 am] |
I never wanted anything from you
I never wanted you to be the very best
I will accept anything you do
And I am blessed…
You cannot see all that I see in thee
Sure, you’re not a perfect spotless angel, I know
I can see you, don’t fret for me
I must let it go
I know it’s true
You are not flawless
You are not flawless, but I do not care
Because I love you
I try to lift you
I try to lift you, though life’s not fair
And I…I know you want to love
O, I…I see you try to love
I take mistakes and throw away them all
I give my grace and not just for mankind
I pick you up when you fall
Don’t tell me I’m blind
I see you and my heart grieves
You can do so much if you just believe
So I put you on a pedestal
And you belong there |
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| Apparent Dilemma |
[Feb. 25th, 2006|01:22 am] |
Sitting alone in a crowd of peers
Watching all the joy that they share
Shielding my eyes, as they produce tears
Only thinking of who is not there
Watching a film is supposed to be fun
Their juvenile ignorance makes it so hard
Reminded that sorrow has not yet begun
Because I was weak and let down my hearts guard
Watching the film I watched when I let go
When from you my secrets I did not hold back
When I gave up my dignity, by letting you know
I muttered the words that I’ll never take back
I lose composure, too many people around
Not wanting to show it, I step outside
I feel the hard pavement as I fall to the ground
Ever so hard, I have never cried
In no time at all, I run out of air
Just wishing that she could somehow show up
I reach hard to breathe, but no breath is there
As much as I fight, I have to throw up
I sit here a mess, the feeling of sorrow
I regain strength and stand up again
Hope that I will see her tomorrow
Regaining composure, I walk back in
I finish the movie that left me in grief
By making me wish to just see her face
And regret going against my belief
Leaving my longing for her warm embrace
It makes me sad to think of the night
Making me wonder, just how will I bear
All of the sadness, and all of the plight
When day to day, she will not be there? |
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| Layers of Life |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|11:04 pm] |
Every body is a canvas
Paint oneself in ones own style
Search my heart and see my portrait
Finally it makes me smile
The painting changes year by year
Layer upon layer of living
In underlying pictures see
What to life you were giving
My first layer is clothed in purple
Second, all black and all red
This second layer, suppressed for shame
Of my desire to be dead
The next stage was my broken heart
I knew not just what to do
My life was lived in much despair
Thus, this layer of paint is blue
The present layer is filled with change
It’s so different from the rest
Although it isn’t quite complete
I know it will be the best
It’s so vibrant, full of colors
Beauty as that of a dove
All I can see in this layer
Are the colors of my love
The vital thing here to remember
All people have the talent
To paint with beauty all their own
Just broaden up your palette |
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| My Eternal Quest |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|11:03 pm] |
Every climb starts out slow
Nervously approach the rock
You know the challenge set before
Will not be and easy task
Your first grasp upon the stone
The fresh, clean fingers take their lock
You've never done this act before
And this yourself you ask:
"Should I even try to climb?
Is it worth the risk in store?"
Chances are you wont succeed
You cant turn back if you give more.
You take the chance and leave the ground
You think your body is strong
At about fifteen feet up
You discover that you're wrong
Building up some good momentum
You fight right through the pain
Just when you thought that you could do it
The sunshine turns to rain
You keep on going, can't give up
Suddenly a rock gives way
You fall only a couple feet
Then you grab a ledge and stay
Persisting when you're sopping wet
Nothing can make you stop
The climb just may be worth it yet
If you can touch the top.
Finally you reach the peak
Your journey is all done
Now you can claim what you seek
The sky turns back to sun
But then your fingers start to slip
Soon after you touch the top
You have no strength and lose your grip
From the summit then you drop
Falling downward from the sky
You feel your stomach churn
There is nothing you can do
Your quest is over now
But it was worth it after all
This challenge from above
Though in the end you take a fall
At least you felt true love. |
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| No Façade |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|11:00 pm] |
You know everyone plays the game
Avoiding truth and placing blame
You try to see through the façade
You open up and lose your shame
But no one knows what’s real but God.
They hide like makeup over meth
And hide their secret want for death
They hide their ailments and their pain
They’re holding back their loss of breath
They think that this will bring them gain.
You know that they are mistaken
Can’t take Robert’s road less taken
It makes them look like such great fools
They don’t fool us, we know faking
We don’t need society’s rules. |
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| My Sublime |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|10:59 pm] |
Love runs deep, cuts to the soul
Dissipates the fire to fear.
Moving forward with no goal,
But touch the heart of one held dear.
Lose the past that holds you back
Requiem for sorrows tear.
Turn to face your forward track
Just let go, no longer steer. |
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| Instability |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|10:58 pm] |
I just can’t see the horizon,
No sure life to set my eyes on.
When I find something good,
It’s not good to me.
So I look to another,
But she cannot see.
I am as delicate as a rose,
Without aid, my fear only grows.
Fear that this is my life,
My only destiny,
A perpetual fear
Of nothing next to me.
When will I gain a constant, steady pace?
Someone will see I’m not just one more face.
The cycles of life
Are painful to me,
But if I press on,
Then maybe you’ll see. |
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| New Love |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|10:57 pm] |
The world is blind, has no eyes
The world is dark, so unkind
One can’t filter out the lies
Can’t put the past from my mind.
This place I hate, serves me death
Flooded when I cogitate
Carry on and strive for breath
Opportunity’s shut gate.
We strike a light, start to fly
Build me up before I quit
I don’t really want to die
I cease to cry, my wrists un-slit.
Patch the wounds and heal my heart
Stop to think and be set free
Know you are a work of art
Did your part, completed me. |
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| Requiem for Hate |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|09:44 am] |
Why can't the world love the world?
It shuns the unique and dooms itself to hate.
The instant that one breaks the mold, he is push back into place to suffer with the other restless souls.
The mold is reinforced to keep him in place.
Society's mask embraces individuality.
Society's true face fears the individual.
You can try to be free and fly away,
But you will only be shot down by a fool who does not understand.
Too few converse with those that they ignorantly hate and fear.
How will they ever comprehend?
The world will fall for one single reason.
Hate!
Someone must stop the world before it stops itself dead.
Stop caring and stop hating what does not affect you.
Stop pretending to be content and be honestly content.
Mormon, love the Evangelical.
Evangelical, love the Mormon.
Gay, love the straight.
Straight, love the gay.
Liberal, love the Conservative.
Conservative, love the Liberal.
They have not hurt you, so you have no right to hate them.
Be accepting, and let the individual be free. |
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| Inspired |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|09:43 am] |
My sublime
Comes and goes
Right now ‘tis you,
But no one knows.
The poetic sight
I fear will leave
Forever long
Inspiring weave.
Stand fast for luck
Can't fail to hell
So I press on
Just time can tell. |
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| Hidden Melody |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|09:42 am] |
I hid myself years ago,
Killed all momentum and drive.
Now I find a hidden heart,
Struggling to survive.
Love, prone to hesitation.
Myself, prone to being burned.
For some reason I don't mind,
That my feelings aren't returned.
Top wants bottom to let go.
Bottom wants top to die,
So it all comes down to you,
Free your love or leave love dry. |
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